Yes, I absolutely think men should ask women out first. Even though I tend to like men who are more easy-going and peaceful, and not very aggressive, and sometimes I'm drawn to the quiet or shy types, I STILL think people who identify as men should always ask for the first date.
1) Women are conditioned by society to not ask men out or face a lot of repercussions (men writing them off for being easy, or labeling them as too forward, or seeing them as low value, or too masculine)
2) Women may not have as much practice asking men out because overall they are more frequently asked out then men,
3) Women on average have less testosterone, and testosterone is linked to increased assertiveness, so women are less likely to be assertive about asking you out,
4) Women are conditioned by society or nature to desire being chased by a desirable man, and it can amplify their sexual desire if a man asks them out and they see him as desirable, as many studies show. It typically would make women more stimulated if you asked, than if she asked.
5) Women may mistake your lack of asking her out as lack of interest and then write you off,
6) Women may see you as less assertive, less powerful, and less able to manifest the life you want. By taking action you demonstrate the basic ability to create a better life.
Yes, I ask out men all the time as I tend to have a stronger confidence, but I desire men less whom I ask out because of that reason, at least until they win me over. LOL.
However - I think it can be good for her to see you being socially competent before she sees you seeing her, so she can long for your approach, and get comfortable with the idea of you. Talk to some friends within eyeshot before looking at her. Then when you approach, it's good to build some rapport through conversation before you ask her out. If you shared a conversation for a while, or even a dance for a while, and she seems friendly, ask her out, and flesh out the details later.
Everyone knows confidence is attractive. It's just dang sexy when someone pursues what lights them up inside. Or has the courage to stand up for what they believe in. Or cares about someone or some cause enough to help it, and it's coming from a place of love, rather than a place of obligation. These are the people we want to be around. The inspired. The joyful. The centered. So how do you become that, and attract the love or sex of your dreams? Or possibly find that you are happy without it?
There's lots to say on this, but I'm going to be tackling this topic constantly.
I used to look for love in others. Heck, we do need other people sometimes, as constant aloneness literally will drive a human insane. It was only after I got out of a 6 year relationship, and couldn't bear to start again that I knew I had to create the relationship I wanted with myself or be miserable all the time. Once I found self love practices, I was able to get through adversity and feel so much stronger, some much more happy, and know I had my own back. And the romance, dates, and chemistry started pouring in. I started turning heads I never thought possible before. I had the most blissful experiences ever.
Here are 3 things you can start on today to grow that strength within.
1. Commit to practicing at your self love
I detail this in many of my videos now and to come. One of the first things I start with is saying "I love myself" 3 times in my head every time I think of it. Over time his creates a physical change inside your brain that literally re-wires you from the inside. It has a ripple effect, too. Other self-love ideas branch out from this one. Over time, you can find or invent other ways of practicing your self love. It's like exercise. You might discover pilates or yoga, or discover you love hiking. Grow your ways of exercising your self love. You can also do this by investing in a self-love mentor.
2. Make decisions.
One of my brilliant life coaches, Sonica Li, once said to me, "There is no wrong decision, only loving yourself after making the decision." Let go of fearing making the wrong choice. So many get stuck worrying over a decision that they never make a decision, and then they make a decision by default. By not deciding to talk to that girl, she gets romanced by someone else, and you lose the choice of being with her. I'm not saying you shouldn't think things over, do some research, and then decide on something. I'm just saying that sometimes enough is enough. Make a decision already. Try that decision for a long while. Learn things from that decision. Grow. Embrace that failure is a stepping stone to success. Even failure can be blissful. I do improv theatre, and when you take a chance and some idea fails or is stupid, it's called "hilarious." It's what we go to watch. The spontaneous creation and rawness of the moment. It's not like we're going to survive life.
3. Live at your edge.
Do what scares you sometimes. Look for ways you can grow. When you step towards things that you think will be good for you overall but that are hard or scary or weird, amazing things seem to happen. On a practical level, think of it as this: if you are one guy taking ballet in a class, do you know how scarce you are in this field, and therefore the advantage you have over other guys with these hot ballerinas in your class? However, you have to have the right mindset. You can't just take the class to get a hot ballerina. This is where the self love comes in. You have to see reasons to take this ballet class purely for you. If you took it just to get a hot ballerina, you wouldn't focus as much on the class, and you wouldn't be as attractive. You would seem needy. You would need something from someone else to feel like you accomplished something. However, if you really wanted to take ballet because it was kinda fun and scary, you'd find inspiration in it, and it would light you up. And that would be attractive.
Something I noticed is that as I became a dating coach, it felt like men could sense that energy from me and were giving me more romantic attention than ever before. It is my edge. It is scary to help people with their heart's deepest desires, and hold some responsibility in their lives. But that's why I'm doing it. Also in the first month I became a dating coach, I randomly met 3 small business coaches on the dance floor, and I was craving meeting these types to help me at the time. I hadn't met any in years before that. When we start expanding our brain, we see opportunities we didn't before. So open up to living at the edge of your cliff. You will love yourself even more for it. You will become your own hero. The person you always wanted to shack up with. Sure, we need other people, but the most important and lasting romantic and inspiring relationship we create is the one with ourselves. Stand in your strength, and people will sense that.
For a guide on how to text her, and blog updates, visit http://LaurenEverly.com
In thsi video, find out how self hatred is normal, how simple ways of not hating yourself are actually a form of self love, and how the balance between that dark emotion and that slightly less dark emotion actually imitate the normal variances of any relationship, including the one with yourself. Http://LaurenEverly.com
You can't always trust your gut during dating. I have clients who have said, "I went on this date with this girl, but I just didn't feel in my gut that she was right." However, upon further questioning, these same clients have admitted that sometimes, in the past, they have found amazing love that developed over many months. It came from women they didn't feel immediate attraction to. So ask yourself if you can open up to possibility, even if you didn't feel instant chemistry. Go on more dates, become friends, or just keep in touch. This way, you are open to abundance. You realize that anything could explode into something magical at any moment. Watch the video for more info. If you want 7 texts that will make her obsess over you, visit my homepage at http://LaurenEverly.com
This video will detail three mantras to help you heal from the inner storms of a broken heart.
1. Being a little discontent is how we are wired as humans. I accept this.
2. Happiness will pay us visits sometimes.
3. I am grateful for so much in my life.
Please view the video for more details. Video live soon. For a free guide on texting a gal to make her go wild, visit http://LaurenEverly.com
This is the guide I've created that has made tremendous difference in my life and others. It helps you claim your power and your confidence. It helps when everything goes wrong in your life and you just want to feel held. You got your back. You got this. It is outlined in these 3 steps:
1. Saying "I love myself" to yourself. 3 times every time you thing about it.
2. Finding a reason why you love yourself that doesn't change.
3. Meditating on that reason, experiencing that reason, and relaxing into that self love.
There will be future videos on other ways to approach the ongoing powerful practice of self love.
Self love is the gateway to love. Love yourself, and romance will follow. If you don't like being around yourself, it's going to be hard for others to like being around you. As you develop your self love, your life becomes easier, happier, more meaningful, and more connected. Also, feeling and experiencing your aliveness, loving it, and then loving yourself creates an amazing feedback loop.