I bought a used car, and found it had some major issues and I realized it's all a gamble. Like cars, we all have flaws. You just have to find something that is very lovable in the car/person, and accept the flaws as part of the package. And hope they will do the same. Spend time with your used car, get to know it face to face, instead of just an idea of it. Gamble. Use your head AND your heart. Take walks in solitude and reflect. Don't be afraid to fail often.
I wrote this little song to reflect this metaphor.
We all have something broken
We are all used cars
But we have beauty that diffuses
the crunched bumper that opposes and confuses.
We all have a hidden
treasure in our cabin
It will make them stick around
with the lemon that they've found.
Much love to us used cars!
Circle the one that applies more to you, and add up how many alpha points and how many beta points you scored to see which camp you fall into.
1. Alphas are more persistent and assertive, beta's are more easy going.
2. Alphas fight for what they want or think, betas often make peace.
3. Alphas tend to be outgoing, betas can be more shy or introverted.
4. Alphas tend to take more risks, betas take practical paths.
5. Alphas tend to have more power or more money or resources (according to the fact that alpha was a term used to designate the highest ranking within an animal group, which would enjoy access to the best meat and receive grooming from the group, or access to the most females), betas may have more developed other, more supportive, skill sets, and may have developed more empathy from being in a place of less privilege.
6. Alphas tend to be in leadership positions in their job or in their community, betas tend to bring support to any group with actions and suggestions and can be team players, or can be solo and run their own thing, like writing a book. Both alphas and betas are needed to help groups run.
7. Alphas tend to be confident in what they say (even when it's to their detriment), beta males can have healthy constructive critical thinking towards their own ideas and others.
8. It also appears from my research on these terms that alphas tend to be more physical and in their body, and betas tend to be more in their minds. However, generally people working on becoming their best self consider it important to work on both mind and body. So both can master both.
9. Some sources say alphas help people make peace with each other by leading social interactions in a positive direction, and alternately betas sometimes may help revolutions start by stirring things up. In the animal kingdom, a beta may challenge and replace the leader, the alpha.
Usually alphas are praised as the way to be. However, a society full of only rulers would be a horrible place to be. We need the poets, the farmers and the school teachers. There are many women out there who prefer a more easy going, laid back man who's home more, to a man who needs to run the neighborhood watch, his company, and coach his kid's football team and is never home. It's even been argued that alpha females, who would have these same characteristics as listed above, would prefer a beta male, as he would be more easy-going and supportive rather than dominating. However, it is still important to challenge yourself to grow in ways that help you get what you want. Take skill sets from the alpha or beta sides that help you have a better life. For example, if beta, you can try taking risks more, facing your anxieties more, or if alpha, you can try being more easy going and letting others lead.
Yes, I absolutely think men should ask women out first. Even though I tend to like men who are more easy-going and peaceful, and not very aggressive, and sometimes I'm drawn to the quiet or shy types, I STILL think people who identify as men should always ask for the first date. Reason 1) women are conditioned by society to not ask men out or face a lot of repercussions (men writing them off for being easy, or labeling them as too forward, or seeing them as low value, or too masculine) 2) women may not have as much practice asking men out because overall they are more frequently asked out then men, 3) women on average have less testosterone, and testosterone is linked to increased assertiveness, so women are less likely to be assertive about asking you out, 4) women are conditioned by society or nature to desire being chased by a desirable man, and it can amplify their sexual desire if a man asks them out and they see him as desirable, as many studies show. It typically would make women more stimulated if you asked, than if she asked. 5) she may mistake your lack of asking her out as lack of interest and then write you off, 6) she may see you as less assertive, less powerful, and less able to manifest the life you want. By taking action you demonstrate the basic ability to create a better life.
Yes, I ask out men all the time as I tend to have a stronger drive and confidence, but I desire men less whom I ask out because of that reason, at least until they win me over. ;) However, interestingly, I think it can be good for her to see you being socially competent before she sees you seeing her, so she can long for your approach, and get comfortable with the idea of you. Then when you approach, it's good to build some rapport through conversation before you ask her out. If you shared a conversation for a while, or even a dance for a while, and she seems friendly, ask her out, and flesh out the details later.
The exception to this is actually making the first physical move. Should men always make the first move? That is a delicate game, my friend. Consent is a great thing. I personally prefer a man to look deeply into my eyes, compliment me and then ask if he can kiss me. If I say no because I'm not ready then the most attractive thing he can do is say OK like he empathizes, and then tell me he will ask again in the future. I want to feel him not take it personally. It's about my readiness level, not anything about him. In fact I take a long time to kiss because I find it emotionally intense and thrilling. So it's actually a compliment to him. It means I can barely handle how good it makes me feel. Unless she tells you she's not interested, or unless she never returns your calls or avoids you, she may still be interested even if not ready for a kiss.
Continue to lead, while asking for consent first, for other bases. This is a good practice with most women, to be respectful. You can making asking for consent romantic and sexy by involving eye contact with sexy loving eyes, smiling, and complimenting, moving close, and feeling your body and being in the present moment. Enjoy the moment with her no matter what she says. Enjoy yourself and enjoy her being who she is.
Everyone knows confidence is attractive. It's just dang sexy when someone pursues what lights them up inside. Or has the courage to stand up for what they believe in. Or cares about someone or some cause enough to help it, and it's coming from a place of love, rather than a place of obligation. These are the people we want to be around. The inspired. The joyful. The centered. So how do you become that, and attract the love or sex of your dreams? Or possibly find that you are happy without it?
There's lots to say on this, but I'm going to be tackling this topic constantly.
I used to look for love in others. Heck, we do need other people sometimes, as constant aloneness literally will drive a human insane. It was only after I got out of a 6 year relationship, and couldn't bear to start again that I knew I had to create the relationship I wanted with myself or be miserable all the time. Once I found self love practices, I was able to get through adversity and feel so much stronger, some much more happy, and know I had my own back. And the romance, dates, and chemistry started pouring in. I started turning heads I never thought possible before. I had the most blissful experiences ever.
Here are 3 things you can start on today to grow that strength within.
1. Commit to practicing at your self love
I detail this in many of my videos now and to come. One of the first things I start with is saying "I love myself" 3 times in my head every time I think of it. Over time his creates a physical change inside your brain that literally re-wires you from the inside. It has a ripple effect, too. Other self-love ideas branch out from this one. Over time, you can find or invent other ways of practicing your self love. It's like exercise. You might discover pilates or yoga, or discover you love hiking. Grow your ways of exercising your self love. You can also do this by investing in a self-love mentor.
2. Make decisions.
One of my brilliant life coaches, Sonica Li, once said to me, "There is no wrong decision, only loving yourself after making the decision." Let go of fearing making the wrong choice. So many get stuck worrying over a decision that they never make a decision, and then they make a decision by default. By not deciding to talk to that girl, she gets romanced by someone else, and you lose the choice of being with her. I'm not saying you shouldn't think things over, do some research, and then decide on something. I'm just saying that sometimes enough is enough. Make a decision already. Try that decision for a long while. Learn things from that decision. Grow. Embrace that failure is a stepping stone to success. Even failure can be blissful. I do improv theatre, and when you take a chance and some idea fails or is stupid, it's called "hilarious." It's what we go to watch. The spontaneous creation and rawness of the moment. It's not like we're going to survive life.
3. Live at your edge.
Do what scares you sometimes. Look for ways you can grow. When you step towards things that you think will be good for you overall but that are hard or scary or weird, amazing things seem to happen. On a practical level, think of it as this: if you are one guy taking ballet in a class, do you know how scarce you are in this field, and therefore the advantage you have over other guys with these hot ballerinas in your class? However, you have to have the right mindset. You can't just take the class to get a hot ballerina. This is where the self love comes in. You have to see reasons to take this ballet class purely for you. If you took it just to get a hot ballerina, you wouldn't focus as much on the class, and you wouldn't be as attractive. You would seem needy. You would need something from someone else to feel like you accomplished something. However, if you really wanted to take ballet because it was kinda fun and scary, you'd find inspiration in it, and it would light you up. And that would be attractive.
Something I noticed is that as I became a dating coach, it felt like men could sense that energy from me and were giving me more romantic attention than ever before. It is my edge. It is scary to help people with their heart's deepest desires, and hold some responsibility in their lives. But that's why I'm doing it. Also in the first month I became a dating coach, I randomly met 3 small business coaches on the dance floor, and I was craving meeting these types to help me at the time. I hadn't met any in years before that. When we start expanding our brain, we see opportunities we didn't before. So open up to living at the edge of your cliff. You will love yourself even more for it. You will become your own hero. The person you always wanted to shack up with. Sure, we need other people, but the most important and lasting romantic and inspiring relationship we create is the one with ourselves. Stand in your strength, and people will sense that.
For a guide on how to text her, and blog updates, visit http://LaurenEverly.com
In thsi video, find out how self hatred is normal, how simple ways of not hating yourself are actually a form of self love, and how the balance between that dark emotion and that slightly less dark emotion actually imitate the normal variances of any relationship, including the one with yourself. Http://LaurenEverly.com
You can't always trust your gut during dating. I have clients who have said, "I went on this date with this girl, but I just didn't feel in my gut that she was right." However, upon further questioning, these same clients have admitted that sometimes, in the past, they have found amazing love that developed over many months. It came from women they didn't feel immediate attraction to. So ask yourself if you can open up to possibility, even if you didn't feel instant chemistry. Go on more dates, become friends, or just keep in touch. This way, you are open to abundance. You realize that anything could explode into something magical at any moment. Watch the video for more info. If you want 7 texts that will make her obsess over you, visit my homepage at http://LaurenEverly.com
This video will detail three mantras to help you heal from the inner storms of a broken heart.
1. Being a little discontent is how we are wired as humans. I accept this.
2. Happiness will pay us visits sometimes.
3. I am grateful for so much in my life.
Please view the video for more details. Video live soon. For a free guide on texting a gal to make her go wild, visit http://LaurenEverly.com
This is the guide I've created that has made tremendous difference in my life and others. It helps you claim your power and your confidence. It helps when everything goes wrong in your life and you just want to feel held. You got your back. You got this. It is outlined in these 3 steps:
1. Saying "I love myself" to yourself. 3 times every time you thing about it.
2. Finding a reason why you love yourself that doesn't change.
3. Meditating on that reason, experiencing that reason, and relaxing into that self love.
There will be future videos on other ways to approach the ongoing powerful practice of self love.
Self love is the gateway to love. Love yourself, and romance will follow. If you don't like being around yourself, it's going to be hard for others to like being around you. As you develop your self love, your life becomes easier, happier, more meaningful, and more connected. Also, feeling and experiencing your aliveness, loving it, and then loving yourself creates an amazing feedback loop.
Dating coach Lauren Everly here covering the topic of how soon do you text her. So I would say definitely text her or call her within 2 days. That is hands down. This is no longer the era of the three-day wait rule. That just makes you look like you're playing games. 3 days is definitely too long so make some time in your schedule. I would text her within a couple hours of when you finished hanging out. Even as soon as an hour after you hang out. The exception to this is that I would wait until it's before 10 p.m. because it's just more gentlemanly. After 10 p.m. is a little bit more impolite. If it's going to be after 10, maybe let her do it for the first time. You just come off as a better caliber of guy, so she's going to see you as higher-quality in her mind.
Also call her within 24 hours: this really sets you apart. There's going to be a lot of guys texting her. Women get a lot more attention than guys on average. So by calling her, are you set yourself apart and you can convey that warm human tone and keep the chemistry going. It can be really hard to keep the chemistry going via text. And if you want to know what to say via text before you call her, go to http://LaurenEverly.com and I have a free guide there with three simple texts that enhance her attraction for you. So go there and get that guide before you even text her. If you met her at night you could text her or call her the next morning. Calling is also good because honestly text messages can fail to go through, even in this day and age. There's three reasons why to contact within 24 hours. Number one is it establishes that you're not playing games and that's important, because it sets you as a higher quality of man, and number two, subconsciously, it says to her that you're not going to be too busy to be fun. Show her you're not overloaded too much with work even if you are, and show her you can make a little time for romance and fun. The third reason is that it shows that you’re not a huge player. At least it would indicate more that you're not because if you have too many girls in your life that you just can't get around to calling her, it’s not going to be a good thing for her. She wants to know you're not a heartbreaker.
In addition to all the reasons listed above, I realized that the number one reason you shouldn't wait too long to text her is because you have got to strike while the iron is hot, before things fizzle out. Additionally, the hotter the girl, the faster she will get stolen away from you if you wait too long. Join my mailing list so you can have access to an insider perspective, and get that girl before she gets snatched up.
Share by clicking on one below:
In my experience, when I've suspected I'm subconciously testing men, I've noticed it's in situations where a man I'm dating wants to do something that's against my current values. I make it clear that it's against my values, but I'm also supporting him exploring that. However, if he keeps exploring it, and I find that my values aren't changing or evolving with him, then he's not right for me. Watch the video to learn more.